


Vacillation

by Rizzoli66



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 07:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2101674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rizzoli66/pseuds/Rizzoli66
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a little scene post Lost and Found, so spoilers for the ep. AU cos we’re sure as heck not going to get this on screen. Maura is undecided between head and heart. Features gratuitous handholding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vacillation

**Author's Note:**

> There’s been some talk in the fandom of Maura realising her feelings for Jane this season and while I’m not certain TPTB have the courage to show it on screen, it seemed that this last ep was heading in that direction with Maura’s ‘dreams’ line, so I’m giving them a push in the right direction.

**Vacillation**

 

Maura Isles was vacillating and it was starting to become annoying. Her head said Jack, he was nice, dependable and safe, but her heart was screaming Jane, who was frequently far from nice but that sexy voice soaked Maura’s underwear on a regular basis, was nearly always late but that was usually due to her job, a valid excuse if ever there was one and decidedly NOT safe, Jane already had Maura’s heart and her body was eagerly volunteering to be next.

 

All of her life she'd had definite opinions on just about everything and acted accordingly. While her pre-school classmates were dithering over what toy to play with or which picture book to look at, little Maura had already chosen and was quietly seated, acting out her own solitary game or composing her own story to fit the pictures.

 

The reason for Maura’s indecision was currently occupying the hospital bed at her side. The events of the last couple of days, starting with the discovery of a murdered woman in an alley and culminating with Jane taking a gunshot to the belly - thank the Lord she was wearing her bullet-proof vest - and a vicious hit by a lump of piping had resulted in her losing her baby.

 

Jane hadn’t said much when the doctor told her, just nodded grimly and grabbed hold of Maura’s hand. Angela, predictably, had broken down in floods of tears and was taken home by a wet-eyed Frankie, leaving just Maura and wild horses, not to mention the fierce grip Jane still had on her hand, couldn’t make her leave this room.

 

Jane had succumbed to tears once her mother was safely out of the way and Maura was proud to be the one Jane let inside her emotional walls. The tears had stopped not long after they started and Jane was sleeping, her grip on Maura’s hand was tight even now as if it was her only lifeline.

 

Jane looked to be deep in REM sleep, Maura was glad; she needed the time to get her own emotions in order. Maura was sad about the baby, as much as she was upset for Jane, she was distressed for her own selfish reasons too. Jane had made it clear that she wanted Maura to co-parent and that meant that Maura would be in Jane’s life for the next 18 years or so, that Casey – a man who was never worthy of Jane in Maura’s opinion - or men Angela set Jane up with couldn't take her away. Maura rubbed the back of Jane’s hand absently, while her mind tried to decide what to do.

 

A few short weeks ago Maura had been in tears at the thought of her best friend leaving Boston to be an army wife. Her fears were soon calmed as Jane sent Casey's ring back but for a short time Maura had been convinced that she would lose Jane. That made her consciously acknowledge her feelings for the first time, she loved Jane and not just in a best friend way.  

 

Earlier today she had met Tasha, their only witness in this case, who had been shot. Maura had talked to her over the phone to keep her from losing conscious due to lack of blood. They spoke of what Tasha wanted to be when she left school, Maura had said that we all have dreams, even if we’re afraid that if we say them out loud they might become less real. At the time, Maura had said it to keep Tasha awake but looking back she realised it was her sub-conscious trying to get her to see what was going on in her life.

 

She had never spoken to anyone of her feelings and especially not to Jane, voicing how she felt would end the possibility that Jane might actually reciprocate. Admittedly, Jane might feel the same but equally she might not and that would strain, possibly even break their friendship and Maura didn’t want to take that chance. But now there was Jack, he was a nice guy and she could be content with him. Before Jane that would have been fine, but now Maura knew what real love felt like it wasn’t enough.

 

Deep down in her mind, she was hoping that Jane would dislike him, giving her the perfect excuse to end the relationship, but when they met Jane had given her approval, leaving Maura out of options. She either had to ‘cultivate a couple’ - or what ever that expression was - and have a frank conversation or commit to a relationship with Jack.

 

Jane stirred, mumbling unintelligibly, her face twisted into a grimace of pain. She tried to turn over but was stopped by Maura’s hand, Maura let go but Jane still held on.

 

Maura lent over and stroked Jane’s cheek, saying soothingly. “It’s okay, Jane. You’re safe.”

 

Jane’s movements calmed and she blinked her eyes open, frowning at the brightness of the room.

 

“How are you feeling?” Maura just about held on to the ‘sweetheart’ that wanted to escape.

 

“Like I got run over by your motorbike and side car.” Jane’s voice was even rougher than usual, it sent delightful shivers along Maura’s spine and conjured some erotic images in her mind. Jane sensed that Maura’s attention had wandered and she tugged at their joined hands bringing her back. She pushed away thoughts of her losing the baby and substituted them for something she could deal with right now. The Jackass situation was getting out of hand and Jane wanted to make sure he was what Maura really wanted before Jane gave up on her love for the woman sitting opposite.

 

“Maura we need to talk, now that I’ve.....there is no......” She couldn’t finish, as much as she didn’t want a baby she loved the plans she had of them raising the kid together and now they were gone, leaving her feeling like she’d lost the only reason Maura would stay with her.

 

Maura watched as tears slipped free and rolled down Jane’s cheek, not noticing the single empathetic one that fell from her own eye. Jane angrily swiped at her cheeks, she hated to cry. Maura held her wrists and pulled her hands away.

 

“It’s okay to be grieve, Jane. You’ve just been through one of the most emotional traumas a woman can suffer.” Maura let go of Jane and rummaged through her purse for a pack of tissues.

 

“Yeah, but it was only a bunch of cells, not like it was a real kid.” _Just the only reason I had to keep you with me_ , her mind supplied unhelpfully.

 

Maura could see Jane was only covering and knew her well enough not to push. “Just promise me one thing, that you’ll call me at anytime, day or night, if you need a shoulder to cry on.”

 

Jane nodded and sniffed. Wordlessly Maura handed her a tissue. Jane blew noisily, sniffed again and three-pointed the used tissue into the bin in the corner of the room.

 

“Can that start now?” Jane noted the frown that creased Maura's brow and elaborated. “The borrowing your shoulder, can I do it now?”

 

Maura nodded. “Of course.”

 

She stood and lay carefully on the bed mindful of Jane’s injuries at the hands of the hit-man, Jane scooted down slightly and cuddled in, resting her head just above Maura’s breasts. Maura brought her arms around and placed a tender kiss on top of Jane’s messy curls. Jane sighed, her hot breath washed across Maura’s neck and she tried hard to control her body. Jane was hurting and now was not the time to get hot and bothered but her nipples tightened and goosebumps littered her skin.

 

“I _am_ sad, Maur,” Jane started in a small voice, “but I also feel relieved that I’ve got my life back. Is that bad?” She sounded like a scared child, Maura felt her heart swell with love and the need to comfort the woman in her arms. She kissed Jane’s head again.

 

“You feel how you feel, there is no right and wrong.”

 

“I’m gonna miss you fussing over me ‘n’ making me take all those vitamins.” Jane rubbed her cheek against the patch of bare skin on Maura’s chest, just resisting the urge to nibble.

 

Maura closed her eyes and swallowed, trying to concentrate on Jane’s words not the sensation of skin-to-skin contact. “You hate me fussing.” She all but whispered.

 

“No, I hate ma fussing, kinda like it from you. It shows you .....care.”

 

Maura’s heart skipped another beat but she kept her voice steady. “Of course I care, Jane. I love you.”

 

Jane tipped her head back so that their gazes met, she searched Maura’s face for any sign that the love was more than platonic. She thought she saw what she was hoping for but it could have been wishful thinking, she wasn’t going to give up without trying though, she’d wasted too much time already and possibly lost Maura to Jack because of it.

 

Jane let her eyes wander down to Maura’s sensual mouth at the same time she cupped her cheek, rubbing her thumb over silky soft skin making her intentions clear and giving Maura the chance to pull away. Her boldness was rewarded as Maura flicked her tongue out to moisten her plump lips and her eyes widened in a definite come-on, Jane inhaled sharply.

 

The atmosphere was suddenly charged with electricity, Maura began to lower her head and Jane strained eagerly upwards, their lips met softly. It was little more than a brush that lasted barely a second but it deeply affected the 2 women on the bed.

 

“Wow, we need to do that again.” Jane tried to kiss her once more but Maura pulled back.

 

_“Please!”_

“No, Jane we.....”

 

Jane pulled away and crossed her arms and scowling at her lap. Maura moved back to her chair with a sigh, she moved her head to try and look Jane in the eye, but Jane’s inner 6 year old was in full force and she kept twisting her neck to thwart her.

“Jane? Jane please.” Maura reached out and grabbed Jane’s chin firmly, “I want nothing more in this world than to feel your lips on mine again.”

 

Jane’s gaze snapped to hers suddenly eager to listen.

 

“But your blood steam is awash with hormones and I have to be sure that it’s not affecting your actions.”

 

Jane’s face softened and she reached for Maura’s hand.

 

“I need you in my life far too much to risk this, Jane. You have to be completely sure.”

 

“I’ve been in love with you since just about forever, Maur. But I’ll wait if you want..... on one condition.” Jane smirked. “One more kiss.”

 

Maura opened her mouth to argue but Jane jumped in. “Just one Maur, I’ll be good, no hands.”

 

She stuck her arms behind her back and fluttered her eyelashes coyly at a laughing Maura. Then it all became serious as Jane started to push forward, Maura swallowed and mimicked her action. The air seemed to lack oxygen and two sets of lungs struggled to work, the distance between them was so small that they could feel the heat from each other’s skin, Jane parted her lips in anticipation, she may have promised no hands but she was determined that there would be some tongue.

 

“Maura! What the hell!” Jack’s voice from the doorway made them jump apart as if electrocuted. Jane smothered a curse and Maura placed her hand over her wildly beating heart.

 

“Jack, you surprised me.”

 

Jack waited for a beat but she made no attempt to carry on. “Isn’t this the part where you say ‘it’s not what it looks like’?”

 

“But it is exactly what it looks like, you just interrupted our second kiss.” Maura made no attempt to move from Jane’s side.

 

Jack looked from one woman to the other, Jane retook Maura’s hand, claiming ownership and Maura threw her a warm smile. He’d seen them exchange similar looks at the Robber last night and put it down to a close friendship but now he realised his mistake; they were in love with each other and Jack realised he stood no chance. Maura was never going to be his and to fight for her would be pointless, so he turned around and left without a word.

 

Jane waited until the sound of his angry footsteps could no longer be heard and asked. “Is that why you kept asking me if I liked him? You really wanted me to say no so you had an excuse to dump him?”

 

Maura flushed. “I suppose I was really asking if you were okay with me dating him, you’ve never liked the men I’ve dated before and I always hoped that it was because you wanted to date me but were too afraid to ask.”

 

Jane digested this regretfully; she’d wasted so much time, but not any more. She patted the Maura sized space beside her. “C’m up here. I need the use of your shoulder again.”

 

Maura obliged with a delighted grin, she settled herself against the headboard and opened her arms. Jane snuggled down and they luxuriated in contented silence for few moments, then Jane pulled away to look up at Maura, she spoke with humour thickly coating the tone of her voice. “You know that present Jackass gave me?”

 

Maura raised an eyebrow. “Jack _ass_?”

 

Jane shrugged. “Hey, he was going out with the woman I was in love with, Jackass is the nicest thing I’ve been calling him.” At Maura’s nod, she continued. “It’s just occurred to me that Freud would have had a field day with the symbolism.”

 

Maura giggled, getting the reference but wanting Jane to say it. “Symbolism?”

 

“Yeah, c’mon Maur, he literally gave me one of his balls, talk about realising I was the better man.”

 

Both women laughed. Maura knew that there would be tears later when the loss of her baby really hit Jane and she would be there for her every step of the way, but for now she had the woman of her dreams in her arms, work could wait for an hour or two and she had finally stopped vacillating.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read, if you enjoyed give the Kudos button a nudge. Go on you know you want to.   
> K.x


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